About us
The real version
Every company has a founding story.
Ours started with a lost German student, a very confused Mexican guide, and a series of remarkably bad decisions that somehow worked out perfectly.
If you’re curious how this whole thing began, the story is right here.
Customer
Testimonials
"I've known Alex for years, and I've never seen him this committed to anything. This is honestly the first time I've witnessed this level of dedication to the company. The amount of effort, attention, and resources invested into this partnership has been nothing short of impressive. Selina is incredibly fortunate to have someone like him on the team."
"I am completely in love with Selina. She is, without question, the most beautiful woman on Earth. If I were a lesbian, I would absolutely pursue a relationship with her. Also, Selina, if you're reading this: I'm sorry for not replying to your messages for the last three months. I have no defense."
"My favorite product offered by this company is Squirt soda. I enjoy products that taste like Squirt. I have reviewed the rest of the organization's operations and can confirm that they also appear satisfactory. But mostly the Squirt Btw Squirt is the name of a mexican Soda you nasty person reading"
Alex & Selina, Inc.
Fiscal Year 2026
Executive Summary
The Board of Directors is pleased to report that 2026 has been one of the most successful years in company history.
Following years of strategic planning, international negotiations, emotional investment, and an alarming amount of coffee consumption, the organization officially completed its merger in April 2026.
Since then, key performance indicators have exceeded expectations across nearly every category. Management remains optimistic about future growth.
Key Performance Indicators
Compared to previous reporting periods, overall happiness experienced a dramatic increase following the official merger. Analysts attribute this growth primarily to:
- Quality time
- Shared experiences
- Physical proximity
- Excessive affection
The audit team attempted to calculate the total amount of coffee consumed during the fiscal year. Several accountants resigned during the process.
Includes:
- Meaningful conversations
- Completely unnecessary conversations
- Discussions about food
- Discussions about future plans
- Discussions that began with one topic and ended somewhere entirely different
Operations & Strategic Initiatives
International Operations: The company continues to maintain strong international relations and cross-border cooperation between 🇲🇽 Mexico and 🇩🇪 Germany.
Strategic Hugging Initiative:
The program continues to operate at 100% efficiency.
Financial Report
Management considers this an acceptable trade-off.
Human Resources & Risk Assessment
Workplace Conflicts: Most common causes include choosing where to eat, choosing what movie to watch, deciding what to cook, and determining whether one more coffee is a good idea. Despite these challenges, employee satisfaction remains exceptionally high.
Major Risks Identified:
Selina being too beautiful.
Status: Ongoing concern.Alex having no feelings like a robot.
Status: Chronic issue.Running out of coffee.
Status: Critical.Awards, Recognition & Future Outlook
- 🏆 Best International Partnership
- 🏆 Most Successful University Buddy Program Outcome
- 🏆 Excellence In Making Ordinary Days Feel Special
Upcoming strategic objectives include: Additional adventures, new destinations, expansion of the photo archive, and more unforgettable memories.
Long-term projections remain extremely promising.
"While the company cannot predict what the future holds, one thing remains certain: The best decision this organization ever made was finding its co-founder."
The Board would like to thank all stakeholders, advisors, friends, family members, and random university programs that accidentally changed everything. We look forward to another year of growth, laughter, and continued operations.
Alex & Selina, Inc.
Founded accidentally. Thriving intentionally.
Frequent answers
and questions
For at least one member of the organization, absolutely.
According to internal records, Alex fell in love almost immediately after spotting Selina outside the university. Independent investigations suggest he was completely finished from that moment onward.
After several years of reflection, research, and analysis, we believe his first thought was:
“How can I spend more time with this girl and eventually convince her to date me?”
A surprisingly ambitious business strategy for someone who had known her for approximately three seconds.
Yes. Every word of it.
According to sources close to the matter, Selina intentionally used a forgotten sushi container as an excuse to get Alex alone near his car.
The official objective of the operation remains disputed. However, experts agree that obtaining a kiss was likely among the intended outcomes.
Unfortunately, Alex failed to understand the assignment.
The founders first met almost three years ago.
However, after a lengthy period of negotiations, strategic meetings, emotional due diligence, and excessive flirting, the company officially signed its merger agreement in April 2026.
The partnership has remained active ever since.
The organization currently operates under four fundamental principles:
- There must always be a place where Selina can take a nap.
- Food-related needs should be addressed immediately. Personal hygiene may be discussed later.
- Coffee is not a beverage. It is infrastructure.
- English should be spoken as frequently as possible and pronounced as incorrectly as possible.
These values have guided company operations since inception.
Officially, Selina.
Unofficially, everyone already knows who is actually in charge.
For legal reasons, further comments have been prohibited.
Independent studies have repeatedly concluded that Selina's jokes exceed known human limitations.
Researchers continue investigating how one person can consistently produce that level of humor.
Alex occasionally contributes, but he remains a distant second place.
Historically, the following activities have generated the highest number of workplace incidents:
- Cooking together
- Building or fixing something together
- Choosing a movie
No satisfactory conflict-resolution strategy has been developed so far.
Nothing has been officially confirmed.
However, long-term projections suggest the possibility of launching a subsidiary company in the future. The proposed name is:
"Aceituno & Co."
Feasibility studies remain ongoing.
No. It never has been. It never will be.
Every available resource is immediately reinvested into food, travel, coffee, gifts, experiences, and making each other happy.
Management considers this an excellent business model.